Phantom of Hogwarts
by darkestpoet333
Summary: REDOING! Starting over, will start new posting soon. Rated for language, and future content. Hogwarts is performing yet another play, and hilarity shall ensure. Slash, OOC, and AU. Read and Review, please.
1. Overature

_Severus:_ YOU BITCH!  
_me:_ oo What?  
_Severus:_ YOU MADE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE!  
_me:_ So?  
_Severus:_ You do this just to torture me, don't you?  
_me:_ Yes...Why else would I bother writing them?  
_Severus:_ -headdesks- So yes, she doesn't own us, though she likes to wish she did...In all reality, she simply likes to torture me.  
_me:_ -hides the whips and chains- Ummm... . YOU SAW NOTHING! -jedi mind trick-  
_Severus: _She doesn't own the Jedi Mind Trick either. Nor Phantom of the Opera. The only thing that's really even slightly hers is this newest idea on how to torture me.  
_me:_ -hides the fuzzy handcuffs and whipped cream- What? -whistles innocently-  
_Severus:_ -slinks away from me- And she doesn't have any money either, so don't bother trying to sue her...And now I'm leaving. Goodbye. -runs off in fear  
_me:_ -chases with "torture" equipment- Oh, please read and enjoy. .  
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_**"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU THINKING, ALBUS!"**_ Severus Snape stormed about the office of one Albus Dumbledore, hardly managing to not destroy anything.

"Will you calm down, Severus? It's only a silly play."

**_"SILLY PLAY? SILLY PLAY?"_**

"Yes Severus, a silly play."

**_"THERE IS NOTHING 'SILLY' ABOUT THIS PLAY! OR AT LEAST NOT ABOUT YOUR CASTING OF IT!" _**Harry leaned bemusedly against the door of Albus's office and watched as the very enraged Severus Snape stormed about the room, continuing to make quite a scene. **_"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PLACE ME OPPOSITE OF GRANGER!"_**

"Because, Severus. We need someone older than the rest of the cast to play that part."

**_"AND YOU COULDN'T MAKE BLOODY FLITWICK OR SOMEONE ELSE DO THE PART WHY!"_** Severus stopped his angry pacing and spun angrily to face Albus as we awaited his answer.

Albus continued to calmly look at Severus and eat lemon drops from the bowl on his desk. "It's simple, really. You're the only one both tall and imposing enough to do the part. Also, you're the only one with enough singing talent. After all, we can't have someone as small as Flitwick play the part. Why...we'd have to place him on stilts to reach Miss Granger! Poor Hagrid is far too tall, just face it Severus; we need you to do this play."

**_"JUST BECAUSE YOU NEED ME DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH WITH IT!"_** Harry hardly managed to keep from chuckling as this incident continued. Albus was calm as ever, sitting quietly behind his desk eating lemon drops, Severus raging about the room shouting.

"Well, Severus, of course I can't force you to do something you don't wish, but I will be incredibly disappointed should you say no..."  
Severus threw up his hands in defeat. **_"DAMN IT ALL, ALBUS! FINE THEN! YOU WIN! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW, YOU CONNIVING OLD COOT!"_**

Albus merely smiled at Severus. "I'm so glad you have changed your mind, Severus. This will be a wonderful show, I promise you. Don't you think so, Harry?" Severus spun around and saw the Gryffindor Golden Boy leaning against the door looking about to burst from laughter.

"Of course, Professor. I think it will be amazing." Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

"Damn it all, Albus. I'm leaving..." Severus headed for the door, and nearly slammed into Minerva as she rushed in, flustered.

"Excuse me, Severus." The woman bustled past him and went straight to Albus's desk, trying to remain poised as usual. Severus merely shook his head and brushed past Harry on his way out the door, scowling at the boy's amused chuckle.

"Albus! What is the meaning of this?"

Harry turned his attention to the new scene unfolding before him when the sound of McGonagal's shirll screech reached him.

"Whatever could you mean, Minerva?" asked Albus, still with a pleasant smile on his face.

"Why you've placed me in the role of bloody Carlotta! WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THAT!"

"Because, my dear, you're just perfect for the part. I'd hate to stick you in a part that was below your talents." Minerva paused for a moment. She appeared rather flattered as she smiled, kissed the man on the cheek, and walked out the door.  
Albus shook his head smiling. "You know, Harry my boy, she is the only one who can do the part. Just not because of talent." He grinned wickedly. "But don't tell her I said that, or I'll be sleeping on the couch for months."

"Don't worry professor, secret's safe with me." Harry smiled and took his seat before the professor's desk. "Now then, I believe we have things to discuss still."

"Yes, of course my dear boy..."  
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Harry sat in his usual place at the Gryffindor table and grinned at the sight before him. Hermione sat with her nose buried in her script, a welcome change to the usual book she would normally read while eating. Ron, however, sat and continuously slammed his head against the table. Across the room, Draco Malfoy sat scowling in the arms of his boyfriend, Blaise Zabini.

Finally getting fed up with her silverware clattering on the table, Ginny turned to her brother and smacked his head.

"Come on, Ron, it's not that bad!"

"Oh, you can talk! You're just a ballet girl! I have to play a bloody girl! That's just not right! Not to mention I have to call Draco my mother. And..." Ron shuddered visibly. "Wear a tutu!"

As he uttered the last part, the infamous Weasley Twins appeared behind him and each placed a hand on his shoulders. "And we'll never let you forget it!" George made a motion as if to take pictures with a camera, and the two walked away laughing as Ron slammed his head onto the table again.

Ginny shook her head and dropped her fork, giving up on eating for the time being.

"So, Harry, looking forward to the play?"

Hearing the voice of Colin Creevy, Harry immediately immitated Ron and slammed his head into the table.

Sighing, Harry forced himself to sit back up and pretend to eat.

"Yes, Colin, I am."

"Oh, I think it's going to be wonderful! Will you mind if I have my brother take a few rolls of pictures of you during the performance? Of course I'll have him take a few pictures of me and the rest of the cast, but we set aside five rolls of film just for you, Harry! Is that alright?"

After performing another headtable, oddly at the same time Ron yet again slammed his own head into the table over his part, Harry gritted his teeth.

"Colin, if you don't mind, I'm eating. Can we talk about this later?"

"Oh, sure, Harry!" Quickly, the annoying brat darted away, leaving Harry to sweet silence, excluding the normal buzz of the Great Hall and the thud of Ron's head against the table.

After a few more moments, Hermione pulled herself from her script, completely oblivious to what had transpired during the last half hour she'd been sitting there.

"Well, I suppose it's time we head off to the first rehersal, don't you three?"

Ron, who had finally stopped slamming his head on the table for five minutes, looked at the girl next to him and groaned. He slammed his head down excedingly hard before getting up and grabbing his things. Ginny rolled her eyes and followed her brother out, leaving Harry chuckling as he grabbed his script, and Hermione looking utterly confused.  
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_Ron:_ -headtables-  
_me:_ Uh-huh...Just ignore him and leave me reviews please. Lol, they help.  
_Ron:_ Oh cruel world! -makes to stab himself with a dagger-  
_me:_ -grabs dagger and stops him- Oh no you don't, we're not doing Romeo and Juliet till the next fic!


	2. To Clear A Few Things Up

_Severus:_ Lil author girl here is being a lazy lil thing.  
_me:_ Hey! I have exams, thank you very much!  
_Severus: _-scoffs- No excuse. But that aside, she hasn't written anything new yet. So for now, she will settle a few things dealing with reviews. So here...  
_Harry:_ Review time!

**Chrliii**: This is going to be Harry/Severus. Just give me time. I need to work out a few kinks with the story for everything to fall into place how I want them. It'll take some time.

**HeatherLB**: Yes, Harry will be paired with Severus. And thanks. I think this one's better cause I'm putting more effort into it, and because on this one I have a beta.

**Kai Fong**: I will. .

**kyer**: I like a more submissive Snape than that. I'll add "OOC" to the description then so people can have warning.

**Kasirika**: Thanks. And yes it will be slash, and yes it will be Harry/Severus.

**Hanna Katherina**: Thankies much. .

**annie**: How so? o.o It's going to be Harry/Severus. It's in the right place...

_me:_ Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I appreciate them all. Some more than others, lol. J/k. Now then, as soon as the plot bunnies return to me, I'll write more.


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